Yet we are burdened with the biologically and Darwinian drive to procreate. Even to the point that when she gets sexually turned on it still causes her pain. Why waste your money and time on hookerd? You may have become so engrossed in your work or friends that you just dont spend quality time with your wife. You risk losing it all for the same quick minute that you already have with your wife. That never goes away for most women or men. Yes, its so hurtful and completely discouraging. Who risks? Its all about the woman needs not the man. This isn't a tit-for-tat sort of thing, though. Emotional intimacy and physical intimacy go hand in hand. If men want more sex the this is what you should do. Flirting in public! I sense for it to get all the way to her not wanting to be touched whatsoever at all anymore, something must have happened. Then she was diagnosed with scleroderma shortly before I had a kidney transplant. I Got tired of rejection and told her when she wanted to come find me she felt sorry for me and we tried sex toys and one was to big, hurt her but she tried but I could tell. But for women, its quite different. Its bad. There is just so much fantasizing, flirting and masturbating that I can do. We could have worked it out. Enjoy your life as my dear friend you only go around once. Then ask them what they are willing to do about it once and for all. Cause it needs done. You need boundaries to actively live yours in a healthy manner without them in your bedroom. Satan worked this into the sexual revolution and feminism (not that either were inherently bad) so that his message has overtaken THE Word of God that says tons of times to do it and do it often. My ex was 16 years younger then me. Married 50years and our sex life never really got going. I had a client recently who was so angry at her spouse, she said she didnt want to have any physical intimacy with her husband, If he wants to get divorced, let him get divorced, she said. Subscribe now (do it here) and dont miss a single column. Jack- SHe aint lost brother. Am I doomed? When was the last time you went out on a date together? A study published by the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that women had more difficulty staying focused during intimacy and lower arousal levels when under stress. I have been married for 40 years this coming July. I wish I could be fulfilled without sex, like many women as they age. I fail to see the point of continuing further. She cut me off completely about 10 years ago and refuses to even talk about sex when I try to bring it up. Married a little over 50 years! Whether male or female, each of us made a promise to love and honor our partners either through marriage or by living together. Maybe there are areas of your marriage to be worked on, maybe a little couples' therapy will make a big difference, or maybe it's time to consider whether this marriage is really worth holding on to. I have been dedicated for 43 years but I also realize you need and one thing before you canOnto the other. How To Romantically Flirt With Your Spouse? . Being uncomfortable in their own skin and ashamed of the extra weight is a common reason why women start avoiding physical intimacy with their spouses. Quit excusing inexcusable behaviors by your partners. We dont really argue and enjoy each others company. Behind heart broken!!! So I explained this to her and said if she cannot work it out with me I would have to find some other way. However, whenever a relationship began getting serious my body would suddenly shut down- no erection, no ejaculation, no desire. . One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. I want to divorce my husband!!! Scented coconut oil is a great way to give her a message. She would still complain of pain. 1. Counseling is usually the way out but unfortunately most people in a relationship dont want to go that route (or at least one of them doesnt). Ive been married three times and my third wife is the number one compared to the first three. Don't Touch MeI'm Your Wife! | Psychology Today So, maybe you need to think about going back to being friends and not husband and wife? Great but no sex at 69. We feel just as frustrated that our actions are not recognized by our women. And somehow we have convinced ourselves sex has become less important to us as we age and replaced by the comfort of just knowing we love one another? Ya over 40 years with out not a problem. Go out and kill a hog, punch a younger guy in the face, ride a harley, do a steroid cycle. I would divorce him but whats the point. Our sexual problems are much more complex because I have accepted the fact that she really wants to be intimate but the cost is too high. When home I was to do whatever he wanted me to. Yet she constantly professes love. I Don't Want To Touch My Husband Anymore (What Could Be Wrong?) Never thought it would happen to me, but it has, plus some other medical problems that leave me exhausted. My wife is 61 and Im 57. Communication will go a long way in improving your sex life. The sexual spark will return when she emerges out of it, stronger and healthier. He retired a decade ago against my wishes. Even if it is difficult, do everything you can to put yourself in her shoes. As I explained before on seniorplanet.org, spontaneous desire just happens, while responsive desire only happens after a womans body starts getting aroused. Could I just ask the question? Cheers Rl. He is always sitting alone. Its time to change your strategy. Maybe I should start trying to ease my husband into this conversation because we have been having sex rarer and rarer these past few years. Send Joan your questions by emailingsexpert@seniorplanet.org. Dear Joan, Hes changing tooisnt capable of long walks or hikes anymore, which is still something I love to do. Four in five couples dealt with a desire discrepancy1 in the past month, according to one 2015 study. It is very common for middle aged women to wind up being hypothyroid. Dont men throb? How can I let my wife know how sexy I find her? Right. Around year 3 it was 1x week and that lasted another 5 when it became about 1x a week. Wow! I thank you for stating in so frank a manner every frustration that has engulfed me for over 40 years. And I still dont even know why! If only you could want . I live in my garage, shop, apartment and happy as clam no yelling and name calling. Now its Im sore there. I am 55, my husband is 59. Since this is our first child, I dont even know whats normal and what isnt. Not a bar person.. any any suggestions. "Some of the pressure comes from the idea that you 'should' be having sex. I understand the frustration, I have tried talking with my wife and have even said, if the problem was with me, I would be in a doctors office tomorrow! When we go out, all I see are happy couples who show affection and love. Huddle up with your wife and ask, If there were something you could change about our sex life, what would it be?. Hes no longer a sexy looking man, doesnt care about trying to make himself better, I still fight to try to look really good, no matter how I feel. That was 20 years ago. It feels like torture just coming here and reading because it makes me want some so badly I dont know what to do. Our experts helped them improve their sex life by advising a bit more spontaneity. She sleeps in the other room. Even too much Viagra can cause things like blindness. I gotta stop coming here and reading this. If you guys love your wives and wanna stay till death and your having problems with containment, I lost all desire because I have no testosterone so its been a God send to me. My avocation has been fitness for over 50 years and I love the field. What shallow view of the problem. So, I guess Ill just embrace the suck. "Does my wife love me?" Here are 32 signs she doesn't Feminism has a lot to answer for; there seems to be too many mismatched females being vocal, when this has been a male affliction to be saddled with an undersexed female. I would walk a mile in this mans shoes before I offer advice. Damn was I a dumbass. I have tried individual therapy and that was to no avail. The first and most important thing you should do if your wife is never in the mood is talk about it. The aftermath of an affair is never easy for a marriage, but if life has thrown you this curveball, youve got to learn to deal with it. They learn to accept the situation and carry on with life. This can be emotionally wounding for her, and the man too if he has empathy. Here are the 15 most probable reasons behind your wifes lack of interest in intimacy. Im 69 and still active. If you are not communicating about this, nothing will change. Maybe, she knows of your infidelity, but hasnt spoken about it? With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. When a woman notices that you have an affinity for what she loves, she gets curious, thereby increasing her desire for you. Although i had told him beforehand that if it didnt change I would get it on the side. People might think Im lonely but Im not, I work alone and I get all the right answers talking to my self. However, if both partners are not okay with a sexless marriage, your relationship wont survive. Just as women receive and need emotional connection, men provide a different way of showing their connection to their woman. An emotional affair or even a one-night stand that you think your wife doesnt know about? But if its truly my duty.. . I have suffered from sexual dysfunction ever since I started having sex at 15 back in the mid 1970s. s.setAttribute('data-timestamp', +new Date()); You should make an effort to equally share the responsibilities because you care about her and your relationship, not because you hope it'll win you sex. In most cases, Ive seen that men dont realize and acknowledge the needs of their wives. Husbands (and I was one) are men who figured out too late that they are being played for fools. There are many causes, physical and emotional, why your wife wont have sex with you anymore. Why Doesn't My Wife Want Me Anymore - Is Our Sex Life Over Took my wife to Paris, on our 25th wedding anniversary and rented the most romantic flat next to the Eiffel Tower. If shes got a spouse who is extremely suspicious, shes not going to feel trusted or respected. Hi Theresa, I might even know you, you sound just like someone I know. No way not ever. Ive tried suggesting a date, but its hard to find something she wants to do or doesnt cost too much. And I suffer. If there's no intimacy in your marriage from your wife and you've realized that she may be suffering through mental health issues, Bonobology's panel of experienced therapists can help guide your partner through this turbulent time, and perhaps re-establish the harmonious relationship you yearn for. If that is the way you feel I will respect that, but I need YOU to understand and RESPECT my needs. With out being rude . There is a disconnect, a lack of communication and a lot of arguments. Only you can decide if this is right for you. 30 years in sexless marriage. Research shows that women who had a positive view of themselves reported higher levels of intimate encounters and arousal. Most importantly, a couple agrees that their marriage is built on a foundation of love and respect. Hormones. Truthfully, the solo routine is rather old. Signs My Husband Isn't Attracted To Me - He Rejects Your Hugs, Kisses, And Touch. Why is it that Men are the ones left out in the cold Masturbating in the dark. From work deadlines to zoom meetings to bosses to deal with, teams to manage, kids to raise, meals to cook, chores to do, errands to run and the billion other things your wife has to handle, she may just be too exhausted to even think about sex. Moving forward, the endless rejection led me to stop trying to initiate sex, because the repeated rejections is having an effect on my confidence and self esteem. Its at least mean . A lack of communication may have led to years of unsatisfying sex, and the longer youre together, the more nervous she may be to bring it up. My functioning would be fine when engaging in sex with a woman for the first time, paid sex, and one night stands. I guess my story isnt as bad as many. We have been together since the 80s and there is No ONE else I want to be with. I mean how do you do that if your married? I understand women loss interest but still love there husbands and dont want a divorce and most of the time its the same for the guy, I just wish women would be open to their husbands having discreet affairs, not prostitutes just flings.