Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Well, how did you miss it? Rachel Crawford: Steve!, Steve! Well, why didn't you tell me? Your father waited at the Box Office for an hour. Heapingly, overflowingly, full! [He leaves the house]. Waldo: But, why ya gonna do that, Willie? Laura: Look, I owe you an apology. Harriette Winslow: You most certainly do. Rachel Crawford: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I want to know why my instructions were not followed. Her temperature shot up and she tossed more cookies than the Keebler elf. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: That stinks. You are under arrest! Steve began working on more elaborate inventions, and in "Little Big Guy" he had a new idea. Dr. Goodrich: Ms. Crawford, I am a medical doctor, not a carnival act! Steve Urkel: [opens the back door] Surprise. I may get F's, but, by God, I earn them! Harriette Winslow: Carl, you snuck into my card box and gave me a card that I already have. Carl Otis Winslow: [Laura comes home distraught] Laura, what happened? Suppose I made it happen. Waldo: Excuse me, but I don't wanna hear about a bug's sex life. This has never happened before. next semester, are ya? Harriette Winslow: She's still pretty upset, she wouldn't even touch her dinner. Oh, good. Steve Urkel: Hey, you gotta get up if want to get dow oh [guests scream as Steve falls off the edge of the roof]. Well, that's gonna stop right now! The Battle of Pickup Lines: Part 1 || STEVE HARVEY - YouTube Laura: Ma, the package said to cook it at 275 for 20 minutes. [laughs] Bye! 7. Carl Otis Winslow: [Grabs his wallet] How much do you need? Bazooms! What bright side, Weasel? Carl Otis Winslow: Oh nothing, never mind! Willie Fuffner: I'm gonna trash Urkel's locker. This isn't right Weasel. Laura: Steve Urkel, you are the most annoying human being that I have ever met! It's a "non-date". Steve Urkel: You know what, Laura? Stefan and Myra of left stunned]. Then, I drove you here in *my* car, and were you pleasant company? Actor Jaleel White, famous for his cultural touchstone role as Steve Urkel in Family Matters, is entering the cannabis industry.Through a partnership with 710 Labs, White's new cannabis line . Now, what you do on your own time is your business. Carl Otis Winslow: Steve, The real Psycho Twins would have still been in the ring wrestling, If It wasn't for Your stupid sleepy juice. Judy Winslow: Who wants to read about cheese? Not bells, Swiss Melody Chimes. The only reason I asked you to be my partner was because I was worried about my grade. Steve Urkel: Don't panic, my love! Laura Lee Winslow: What're you guys going to see at the dinner theater? This is fantastic! Wha? The rest of the rules are covered in this contract. Why, a few sessions on the Muscle Master and you'll be drooling over my deltoids. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Cheating is wrong, Eddie, and you should know that. Steve Urkel: Oh, I am so glad you said that! [Eddie comes crashing through the living room in the car], [Stefan did not take his "cool boost" for that week - he wants to turn back into Steve]. Bye! Ms. Steuben: No, I'm a nervous teacher! You have a lot of qualitites girls really go for. Steve Urkel: I can't! Steven Quincy Urkel: Look, you've got this big bed. This wire will be connected to this cord and this cord is not plugged in. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl and his father planned on doing a lot of things together, but they never got the chance. Snap, Sidekick: [with the Serpents] All the doo-dah day. Rachel Crawford: Well, I'm planning dinner for a very, very special friend. Carl: Well, I'm sorry if I embarrassed you in front of a guy named Weasel. Carl Otis Winslow: I'll tell you what son, why not give me cash for Christmas. Eddie: [while Eddie and Carl where doing wiring for the satelite dish] Be Careful with those wires Dad. He heads downstairs to confront Steve]. We're getting dirty looks from old people! An illustration of a person's head and chest. You think it's cool to come to a prty with a mini bar in your coat. Easy Eddo. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: You mean, you want to kiss me? Carl: I can't tell him I don't remember him! Carl Otis Winslow: I do not care what other people think. I have a muscle in my forehead that will not stop jerking! Eddie: Did Halle Berry return my phone call? Carl Otis Winslow: Or in my case, Hello Rubber Chicken. YOU'RE WHERE? Let's keep this one! You have the right to remain silent. But honey, let's put a positive spin on it. "Nubbles Sucks Face with Nerd!". Harriette Winslow: And deliberately sat us next to a cigar smoker. Raoul asked me out, but I told him that I was happily married. Ouchith! Laura: I couldn't have done this without you. Why, it'll ruin my transcript! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [voiceover, as Johnny Danger] So there I was, staring death right in the face. Cop: [Searching Willie and Waldo] Ok, where did you hide the booze? Hey, wait a minute. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Forget it, Carl, it's quicksand. Laura Lee Winslow: You couldn't check out a book? 80 Clever Pick Up Lines - Use these to break the ice! - Mantelligence Steve Urkel: No, but it was moving kinda fast. This could be an emergency and I'm not even dressed yet! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Steve, how did you get so good at checkers? Me and the guys were going to have a flyer party next Saturday when you go out of town. Now, I may have taken a sip of my mom's coffee, but I Chain: I'm talkin' about the other kind of wired! Carl Otis Winslow: Yeah. Laura Lee Winslow: Fun? And you got LOUDER every time you made the Maitre D move us to another table. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: I prefer to call it sharing. The '90s series "Family Matters" may have been about the Chicago-based Winslow family, but the show's breakout character was actually Winslow neighbor Steve Urkel. Steve Urkel: Boyd whipped Eddie. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: You all right, Mr.W, [he teaches Carl how to handshake in his neighborhood. Laura Lee Winslow: Steve, could you go a little faster? Every year, my relatives send me money in hopes that I won't visit them! Steve is the perfect son. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Seymour Butts? That's why here I have compiled the sexiest and smart pick up lines to use on guys to make them interested in you! Laura Lee Winslow: Yeah, that's right, how'd you know? Their own version of the 3 R's? Self respect. Steve Urkel: [thinking he's playing hide and seek with Laura, Eddie, & Judy and a shower starts running] That shower running doesn't fool me Laura! His relationship with Eddie was usually better than with Carl and Laura. When the door opens Carl appears dessed up as Steve normally dresses with his glasses]. She imforms Maxine that Steve is safe and Rachel has just taken him home], Willie Fuffner: See officer, everything is fine. And I like the Red Sox. Harriette: Better add zucchini to that shopping list. Carl Otis Winslow: Edward, why can't you manage money like your brother, Steve? Steve Urkel: Yes! Harriette Winslow, Carl Otis Winslow, Laura Lee Winslow, Rachel Crawford, Estelle 'Mother' Winslow, Judy Winslow, Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [in the rap video] We are a family, we share all we got and that's easy to see, cuz we are a family! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: All right. I can't think of a single reason not to do this every week. [smiles]. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: I'll bet that's what the bug was thinking, too! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura, I know that I'm not worthy of you, but I just can't help loving you. Weasel: [Eddie leaves and Weasel gets hit by Waldo] What was that for? Alright. Richie Crawford: We're going to play with these toys for 30 days and return them, like Uncle Carl's going to do with his peanut helmet. Carl: [in his regular voice] I have no idea. Carl: I don't have to take this, I'm going home! Do you have any idea how much you changed him? Urkelbot: [sneaks up behind the robber and surprises him] Freeze! So, I figured if I doubled the temperature, I could cook it in half the time. "What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? This is my grandmother's wedding and $1500. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: Oh man I didn't think you were this cool. How much will that cost me? No. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Waldo! If you hit me, do I not sneeze? Should I be getting some Handi-Wipes? Earlier Urkel's Funny Moments - YouTube Carl Otis Winslow: [pulls up a chair] Sit down, Edward. Steve Urkel: And I'm Steve Urkel! Eddie Winslow: [at the frat party] Steve, why are you wearing a toga? The bad news is, he'll charge you an arm and a leg. [Puts his jacket on and heads to the Door], Waldo Geraldo Faldo: I may get F's, but, by God, I earn them! Come here. You think it's funny to spike somebody's punch and watch them act like a fool. Then instead of admitting it, you let us spread a log in Lake Michigan. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Caterer trainees. I don't know what to say. Carl and Eddie are also shocked too]. I wouldn't know what to charge. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Oh don't worry they promised to come back tomorrow. I just caught her, that's all. Every time I ask her about it, she just cries and takes another Rolaid. The truth is you deserve a kiss. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Harriette, there is a child outside digging up your azaleas. Upload. Steve Urkel: [cracks up] Oh, that's rich! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Harriette, stupid means good. Carl enters her room with Eddie, who is struggling to stifle his laughter.]. Carl Otis Winslow: That's wonderful, son. Steven Quincy Urkel: I will *not* sleep in the bathtub! Bushwhacker Luke: Me mother was arrested by cops last night! Steve Urkel: I have to tell you, Mr. Winslow. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: But you humilate me everyday. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: Bye. Cassie Lynn: Try me. He breaks something a beaker along the way]. Carl Otis Winslow: You look horrible. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Dad, cash is so impersonal. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well why don't you take the guy's next door? Harriette Winslow: So Oona how are things in Altoona? right next to the bathroom. You may be my boss, but that does not give you the right to come into my home and be obnoxious to my husband and his friends. Can't see a darn thing. Rachel Crawford: Harriette, we've got to talk. "Tomorrow Dad!". steve urkel pick up lines - pentagram.restaurant He woke me up too. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Next Saturday. Sorry. Yesterday he said 'get lost, Fido Face!' Let eserviate on the bright side. Rachel Crawford: Steve, did it ever occur to you that when the door is closed we're trying to keep unwanted people out? Steve Urkel: I can't! this is when Urkel was the funniest, when he was youngest, seasons 1 & 2. Laura Lee Winslow: Does shag carpet also make you crazy? He's a lawyer! Pretty girl, dark hair your sister for God's sake! Laura: Well you're stubborn, irritating, loud, obnoxious, pushy, clumsy Steve Urkel: Hi everybody! Excuse me Waldo, is there something written on your arm? Harriette Winslow: And you agree with me? No more chimes. [plugs the cord into the socket]. When are you going to the store? We are properly trained. Hey, what were you doing in my closet? "Some people are ignorant, they're afraid, they hate anybody and anything that's different. Ken: [Grabbing Steve by the collar] THAT FEEB YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT WAS ME! [to self] WOW! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura, I kept this ring in hopes that one day you would accept it. You've got twenty-four hours to drop out of the race or we publish the picture. There's lots of reasons why I don't love you. I didn't kiss you. You got the whole family off on the wrong foot. Nick Neidermeyer: Do I have to remind you who you're talking to? Harriette Winslow: So what you're saying is it's full. Carl: Son, I am no neophyte when it comes to electronics. Waldo Faldo: Why are ya gonna do that, Willie? Laura Lee Winslow: He didn't need to. When's the last time you slept? Steve Urkel: Well, the earth didn't exactly move for me either! You don't want to get fried. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: It was on his tongue! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Yeah, you have to use bleach. Rachel Crawford: It's almost impossible to find a job these days. 36 Steve Urkel ideas | steve urkel, humor, funny Steve Urkel 36 Pins 11y N Collection by Nadia Hussein Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Funny Quotes Chemistry Humor Nerd Humor Funny Charts When You Cant Sleep Lol Bahaha Clean Humor I Love To Laugh True Stories How To Fall Asleep Funny Jokes All the TIME!!!! Gosh I bet that's never happened before. I mean the guy's a feeb. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Make one, then Xerox It! "Tomorrow Dad!" Carl = Son, you have disobeyed me for a woman? Carl Otis Winslow: Tell me Harriet, before I left for work this morning, did I or did I not tell Edward to empty the trash can? Waldo: Don't do it, Urkel! Laura Lee Winslow: If you have to ask, pass. Oh, I see. Maxine Johnson: It happens every year the day of the prom. "Tomorrow, Dad!" Harriette: At my table, you eat them. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What? Harriette Winslow: She says OGD's a great kid, but he hasn't had it easy in his life. Laura Lee Winslow: What you did for me tonight was really special. [Urkel is playing Danny Boy on his Swiss Melody Chimes and Carl is furiously awaken by it. No one's ever called you 'shrimp'. Harriette Winslow: [Waldo crashes his snowmobile in the Winslows' living room] Waldo? Rachel Crawford: Right. I can't live like this. The man was open all day! Steve Urkel: [after discovering that the stereo in Eddie's car has had its serial number scratched off] Uh-uh. I'm going to give you an 'A'. Carl Otis Winslow: Ohohoho and they are personal and private. Carl: I'll tell you what's sad Harriette, I've watched two full hours of the "Bridges Of Madison County" and Clint didn't blow up one bridge! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [brings her in to meet the Winslows] Now don't worry, they don't bite, and even if they do they've had their shots. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No, I *am* a serious little nerd. A minor Betty Crocker boo boo. You dumped one of my relatives in a Hefty bag. Steve Urkel: Oh yeah, just last week, she actually telephoned me in the middle of the night. Steve Urkel: Hi Laura, my little sweet potata! Carl: Typical. Pick a general observation about her personality. Sergeant Shishka: Urkel, Winslow, you are not on my list of new recruits. Laura Lee Winslow: If you're really my guardian angel, where're your wings and your harp? Stefan Urquelle. Oh, yes it is! I won't be able to take you to the prom. Steve Urkel: Laura? "Family Matters Quotes." My mom's the one who really messed up. The notion was apparently incongruous enough to ABC, the longtime home of the hit comedy ''Family Matters,'' which features the geeky Urkel character, that its executives . Steve Urkel: Well, Laura, do you realize what you're asking? Waldo: I can't talk to girls. Waldo: Just the stuff Steve told me to say. Laura Lee Winslow: If I hadn't started that petition, none of this would've happened. Carl: What are you talking about? [the photographer takes a snap shot of Eddie nerously laughing as Carl drives him away]. Carl Otis Winslow: I know. [cries]. Rachel Crawford: Can you make him quack like a duck every time the phone rings? You gotta fix that machineeeee. You know that? Laura: Doth thou love me? We were just having a little fun. Dexter Thornhill: [after being found guilty at Urkel's trial] Darn you Urkel, Darn you to Heck! If you cut me, do I not cough? Steve Urkel: I hurt myself. Carl: Harriette, there is a car in the living room. So, what's cookin', good lookin'? Laura Lee Winslow: Oh you're not a sorority, you're a bunch of vicious, stuck up barracudas with teased hair and push up bras. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Oh, no buts! Harriette Winslow: These flowers are not fresh. I'd lay one on you that would weld your glasses to your face. Midway through the first season, the show introduced the Winslows' nerdy neighbor Steve Urkel (Jaleel White), who quickly became its breakout character and eventually the show's main character. [Eddie, Clarence and Steve are arrested by the police for theft.]. Harriette: Judy, finish your Brussels sprouts. I almost went to the movies with Vicky Vanderfanny. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Only when we kiss, Laura Lee, only when we kiss [they passionately kiss]. Rachel Crawford: How 'bout double the usual? Laura Lee Winslow: Did you get any sleep? Steve Urkel: I've taken a vow of chastity. Inside this scrawny chest, there beats a heart. No wonder you're my favorite grandchild. He is portrayed by Jaleel White. In fact, do you know what it is Harriet? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [about Harriette's gingerbread house] This is a work of art. Waldo: Hey, you don't have to like my cookin', but, please, don't call me names! We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Steve could've been killed. A bee to a blossom. Laura Lee Winslow: Most people don't know that. Laura Lee Winslow: I don't know, and quite frankly, I'm tired of thinking about it. The next minute rump roast! Uh, we're, uh, playin' hide and seek! Dadadadada! Laura Lee Winslow: No, it's a work of Harriette, get it, Art, Harriette? Whatever Happened To Steve Urkel From Family Matters? - MSN T-Pain says Kanye West stole one of his lines after calling it - REVOLT Carl: Maybe you can even resurrect your band. Steve Urkel: Carl, I brought the notes to go over with Laura. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Hey dad. Waldo: [after thinking a moment] Ok. Waldo: Man, they didn't even know who we were. "If I were a stop light I'd turn red every time you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.". 6. Would you reward me with a kiss? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: I'm flat broke, dad. [opens fire at Urkelbot who catches all the rounds in his hand], Urkelbot: [Urkelbot walks up to the robber and drops the bullets on the floor before lifting the robber off the floor with one hand], Urkelbot: [Terminator Impression] Hasta la vista, baby! Waldo Geraldo Faldo, Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Cheating? Have you taken leave of your senses? Laura Lee Winslow: [Faces Ty] Steve is my brother? What do you use to get weighed, a postage scale? What's up? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Bright side? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: How'd that happen? Ordinarily, I like a table right next to the water. Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: [told he can't go to the party] You mean I was nice for nothing? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: The Snooze Juice. I'd lay one on you that would weld your glasses to your face. Rachel Crawford: Well, Steve, I am your boss. Who does these things? Lt. Murtaugh: Yeah like that's gonna bring him back. Laura: Dad, you're exacerbating the situation instead of ameliorating it. Oh, the room is spinning. To rob and murder? Judy Winslow: Boring. Steve Urkel: I just called my uncle at the Pentagon. In the latter half of Family Matters, Steve started staying with the Winslows as his parents didn't want him around. Nobody threatens my woman! Can you carry me home? Waldo: [Monotone while Steve mouths his words with him] Pablo was a kind and gentle creature. Ha ha! Raoul is the new produce manager. [Waldo and Maxine are dancing to R&B music and professing their love for each other. Carl: Uh-oh. Carl Otis Winslow: Tomorrow. Carl Otis Winslow: [to the racist cop who pulled Eddie over] You know, I don't know how that badge stays up, because it's pinned to sludge. Steve Urkel: You teach us more than just things out of a textbook. Pick-up lines get a bad rap for being cheesy and cringe-worthy, but if you start your conversation with the right dose of interest and humor, you may end up scoring a date or a number. Jaleel White, the actor best known for playing Steve Urkel on the 1990s sitcom Family Matters, has launched his own cannabis brand - on the day enthusiasts around the globe enjoy a toke. How would you like it if I put Jheri Curl in your deodorant? Rachel Crawford: Steve? Waldo: Fifteen and that's as high as I'm going. So, is it all right with you? Steve Urkel: L-long enough to get i-icicles on my nose hair Look! Now let me get this straight, you dented the car. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Oh, cool. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Wow. Once, I found them in Milwaukee living under an assumed name! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: All the way home, and the next day I cried all the way back to the library. Harriette Winslow: [Takes an envelope from Carl] 'Lose Weight, Feel Great at Chicago's Premiere Health Spa, Hip Whippers'. He's half-Nerd, Half-Carl. Who? [Eddie sits down and Carl grabs his hair]. And, he's got something that he didn't have before. Laura: Not when the bomb is in the basement with you! So they picked up all out stuff and moved us again. Laura: Yeah. Steve Urkel: Oh, no I'm not. Does that about cover it? I'm jealous of Todd and you want me to help him. Carl Otis Winslow: [Gasps] Why of all the low down Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Calm down, Carl. When I was born when the doctor slapped me, I SHOT him! Steve Urkel: [singing] Fishing on Lake Wannamuk. Steve Urkel: Now that Waldo's out of the picture, does that make me your number one reject? Well, actually it's Quincy, but you guys get the picture. [goes to the refrigerator] No root beer? You're setting a bad example for the kids. Carl: If that's the case then I plead guilty. Your grandma is gonna fight for your right to party. Myrtle Urkel: Oh, how true, how true! Steve Urkel to Return in Fuller House Season 4? - MovieWeb [the oven explodes from the kitchen and Waldo emerges], Waldo Geraldo Faldo: I think we're gonna need a new stove and a floor to put it on. I mean, you are very Laura: Let's just put it this way You have the perfect face for your head. Steve Urkel: You know, every time you laugh you burn off three and a half calories? Myra Monkhouse: Mr.Winslow, I am very sorry. Your eyes are like the ocean; I could swim in them all day. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well of course it's a Greek party, it's a sorority! [Notices no one is there anymore] Well, I thought it was a good story. I'm being born! Steve Urkel: So, you used me! [Waldo nods as Eddie goes to the last one]. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: When you're hurting other people it ain't harmless. See more ideas about steve urkel, humor, urkel. Everywhere you look, TV, movies, magazines, all these 90 pound people, smiling, dancing where do they get the strength? How about the next round we switch colors? Waldo: Yeah, but I was so nervous when I asked her out that before she could answer, I barfed all over her shoes. No. [after Carl comes out of the busted transformation chamber in an Urkel like fashion, due to Myra's tampering]. no. [Steve has just fallen off the tree and onto the Coopers' pet Doberman, Damien. You know, I was exposed to this sort of thing when I was growing up, but I always hoped it would be different for my kids. While he was starring in "Family Matters" as Steve Urkel, White also began a side hustle as another staple of the era's popular culture . Laura Lee Winslow: Well I guess Steve was practicing his accordion. Clarence has under control. No Traffic. Willie Fuffner: [Wipes his own mouth] Thank you. Am is a verb, verbs are our friends. Eddie: Name's Eddie Winslow, but my friends call me Eddie. Steve Urkel: [last lines of the series] Do I get a welcome home kiss? urkel-steve. Willie Fuffner: But he wasn't, so chill out ok. Laura Lee Winslow: You just don't get it, do you. You're a fine man.You'll be spending the month of May in your room, but you're a fine young man. Steve Urkel: You didn't even make it onto the chart! Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: Serious. Carl: Are you implying that you're not having a good time? Harriette: [still unsympathetic towards Eddie's selfishess] Fair? Would you reward me with a kiss? Harriette Winslow: Carl was nice enough to invite you into his game and you've been acting like a jackass. Laura Lee Winslow: [in tears] Daddy, everything's a mess!